Explanations
by JacenLukeSolo
Summary: Mark Keeler overhears a conversation between Payson and Lauren. This is one conversation that Payson wouldn't want her father to overhear.
1. Chapter 1

The smell of the USATC medical facility brought back terrible memories for me. The sight of my daughter falling from the bars, clipping out of consciousness flashed through my mind. When I had to tell my daughter that her dream was over, and the desperation and loss on her face will forever be etched in my mind. Walking with my daughter's hospital bed as they wheeled her in for experimental surgery to save her dream, all these memories came flooding back to me with that smell.

As I rounded the corner I could hear Lauren squeal "you slept with him, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god". What I heard next made my heart stop. "Lauren quiet down, I don't want the entire world knowing I lost my virginity last night." Those words were spoken by my daughter's voice. I could barely make out the rest of the words spoken. I'm not sure if I was having a heart attack or if it was something else, but I'm positive my heart did stop.

As my vision started turning from clear to red, I stormed into Lauren's room. Lauren saw me immediately, but Payson didn't realize I was there until I grabbed her arm. Her face went from a smile to ghostly white, as I dragged her from the room and kept walking. Once we got to my car, I opened the passenger side door and told her to get in. She complied without a word and got into the car, and I slammed the door behind her. I got into the car and just started to drive.

About a half hour into the drive Payson started to talk. "Dad.." "Payson I don't want to hear it, be quiet." Payson was quiet for the rest of the two hour drive back to Boulder. When I got in the car, I had no idea where I would be driving to, but my brain must have automatically decided to go home. There were times when I just wanted to pull over and scream at my daughter, others where I wanted to pull over and listen to her story. Something inside of me knew I couldn't handle this alone, so like my daughter I stayed silent for the rest of the ride back to Boulder.

When I pulled into our driveway I relaxed a little bit as I saw Kim's car in the driveway. I knew I would have to talk to my daughter when we got to the house, and hopefully Kim would make this a bit easier. I turned to Payson " Get in the house". She got out of the car, and walked into the house without a word. I was not ready for what was about to come.


	2. Chapter 2

As I walked into the house my mind was strangely quiet. Dad was still in the car, and I was rooted to the spot in the foyer. "In here Mark" came a yell from the den. Mom must not have realized I came home with dad. My feet were encased in cement, or at least it felt that way, so I didn't move from the foyer. About a minute later I could hear my mom getting up off the couch and heading towards me. I wanted to bolt directly from the spot, run as far away as possible, but my feet would not move. As disappointed as my father was, disappointing my mom would hurt me even more. She was the one who I looked up to. I loved my dad with all my heart, but I wanted to grow up to be my mother.

"Payson what are you doing here?" was uttered from the surprised face of my mom. Before I could answer my father stepped into the house, slamming the door behind him. Apparently he had yet to cool down. For some reason the questioning look on my mother's face broke me "Dad overheard me telling Lauren I lost my virginity last night, grabbed me by the arm and brought me here". I couldn't get a read on the look on my mother's face, but I did notice her hand fall to the table next to her. Although no sign of emotion was coming from my mother, my father was obviously seething "go to your room" was practically whispered in my ear. Not wanting to do anymore damage I walked silently to my room and closed the door.

I was lying flat on my back on my bed. It was good to be home, despite the reason why. Most of my stuffed animals were at the training center, so I didn't have anything to cry into. I could hear my parents discussing what happened. Phrases like "I can't believe it", "she's not ready", "we're not ready", "she's our little girl", and my favorite "please tell me this is all a bad dream" were coming from the other room. I heard my father crying, and not soon after I heard my mother crying. That's when I lost it, and the pillow below me became soaked with my tears.

My sister has no understanding of what a closed door means, as she came barging into my room. "What happened, please tell me you didn't get kicked off the team? That coach and the NGO are such idiots; I can't believe they kicked you off the team! We'll show them what a mistake they made, even if I have to knock some sense into each and every one of them!" Hearing that from my sister helped put a smile on my face. "I didn't get kicked off the team, everything is fine." I knew my sister wouldn't buy that the moment I said it, but I didn't want to tell her the truth. "Then why are you here and crying Pay?"

How was I supposed to tell my little sister the reason I was home. Just as I was about to try and answer her question, my cell phone rang. I turned to look at it, and saw Rigo's name on the screen, but before I could answer my dad came in and took it from me. His face was all red, and you could still see the tear stains on his cheeks. "Rebecca Keeler bed now!" Becca was surprised by dad, but she obediently went to her room. My dad followed her out, closing the door behind him.

About ten to fifteen minutes later I heard a soft click behind me. When I turned to look at the door my sister was standing there. I should've known of course Becca wasn't going to stay in her room with a mystery afloat. She sat down on my bed, looked me in the eyes with the most innocent stare, and asked "What happened?" I don't know why, but right then and there I told her everything, from the night I had with Rigo all the way to Dad dragging me home. Becca looked at me for a solid minute. "No, seriously tell me what happened and why you are here, and cut the crap about you having sex, I'm not stupid." Just as Becca finished there was a knock on my door. "Payson we need to talk about what happened between you and your boyfriend." The door opened on boyfriend and my sister's mouth went wide open.

My mother and father walked into my room. Becca had her back to the door, but you could see the vein in my father's head pop when he saw her in here. "Rebecca Keeler go to your room now, and don't come out of it until breakfast. Your also grounded for two weeks." Becca immediately left my room for hers, and I would give anything in the world to go with her.


	3. Chapter 3

For what seemed like an eternity my room was silent. Dad kept his eyes on me the entire time and mom just kept glancing between me and dad. Finally my mother spoke. "Is it true Payson, did you really have sex and lose your virginity?" I just nodded. Even if I wanted to say something, no words would come out of my mouth. I was overcome with fear for what my parents were going to do next. I couldn't look either of them in the eye, and my comforter became the most interesting thing in the room.

"Was it with the Rigo boy you have been talking about?" Still looking at my comforter I nodded a yes to my mother's question. I could hear my dad crack his knuckles from the wall he was standing against. "Who is this Rigo kid?" "Payson look at me when I'm talking to you." I looked at my dad's face, and all I could see was disappointment and anger. It nearly broke me to see that. "Well who is he?"

I went through the story of how I met Rigo. I told him of how I fell in love with Rigo. My dad winced when I first said love, and I'm pretty sure I heard his knuckles crack again. I told him all about our trip to the sanctuary to get the doctor to examine Laura. I started to tell him what happened the night after, but he immediately stopped me. I did however tell him that we used protection and I was on the pill.

"Since when are you on the pill" dad practically screamed at me. "Mom took me to get the pill a month before I left for the training center." "So was that your plan all along, once you got out of the house to go and have sex and be an irresponsible teenager?" "Mark I took Payson to get the pill because she was going to be on her own, without us, and I wanted to make sure she was protected, plus she didn't even want it, but I made her take it."

Dad pondered what mom said for a minute, and then he turned to me. "Here's what is going to happen, tomorrow I'm going to take Payson back to the USATC where she will go to practice and compete and nothing else. You are going to have one conversation with Rigo telling him that he is not to contact you again, and that you are on permanent restriction from seeing him until after the Olympics. You will concentrate on nothing but making the Olympic team, and winning in London. I've also installed tracking software on your cell phone, and will be calling you to check up on you. If you do see Rigo again any time before the end of the Olympics I will pull you from the USATC and that will be the end of it."

My dad tossed me my phone, which apparently were my own personal handcuffs. "Call him." I did as I was told. Rigo answered immediately, concern evident in his voice. "Where are you love?" I started to sniffle again and tears were falling from my eyes. "What's wrong Payson, your scaring me?" "My parents found out about us and what we shared the other night. My dad has taken me home, and is not allowing me to see you until after the Olympics. If we don't he's going to take the Olympics from me. I love you Rigo." "I love you too Payson, and don't worry the Olympics are right around the corner." "Goodbye Rigo, I love you." "Goodbye Payson, I'll see you in London at the closing ceremonies."

I hung up the phone. Rigo was going to wait for me, he really does love me. A small smile broke out on my face. Upon seeing this my father turned abruptly, walked out of my room slamming the door behind him. Apparently he was done talking about it. I slowly turned, and that is when I saw my mother with tears in her eyes. I had been so focused on dad I completely forgot that my mother was in the room and had yet to say a word. Fear immediately took hold of me, and I wanted to crawl into the most secluded place from the rest of the planet. Dad's reaction would be nothing compared to mom's.

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AN: Please make sure to watch the finale of Make it or Break it when it airs at 9/8 central on ABC Family on Monday. Try to watch it live so that we can get the best ratings possible.


	4. Chapter 4

My mom sat on my bed with me, but it felt like she was a million miles away. I was still reeling from what my dad said. After what seemed like hours, my mom's hand reached over and covered my own. We turned to each other, both of us with tears in our eyes. I wanted my mother to hold me, tell me that everything was going to be ok, tell me that dad didn't mean what he said. Instead all I got was her hand covering my own and silence.

"Payson do you know why your father was so upset?" I shook my head no in reply. "You knew that your father and I were high school sweethearts, right?" I nodded in ascent. "When we went to senior prom, your father and I" I interrupted her "Mom please no, I don't want to hear about you and dad." "Payson you need to hear what I am about to say, your father and I made love on prom night for the first time." I cringed as my mother said those words. "We used protection, but I still got pregnant. Your father never forgave himself for that, and what came next." "About a month later I had a miscarriage."

I barely heard the word miscarriage as my mother whispered it. Tears were now flowing freely from my mother's face. For some reason without thinking my hand tightened around my mother's. "Your father blamed himself for all of it, the pregnancy, my parent's reaction to the pregnancy, and the miscarriage." I myself started to tear up listening to my mother's story. "Payson did you even consider what would happen if you got pregnant? What would happen with your Olympic dreams?"

The last two questions had me looking down at my comforter. I did make sure we took all the precautions, I was on birth control and Rigo used a condom. In answer to my mother's question I actually didn't think about becoming pregnant. Rigo made the night so romantic, and I wanted to give myself to him, all of myself. He did so much for me, I truly believed he loved me. I know I loved Rigo as well, and that was why I shared that night with him.

I turned to my mother and looked her in the eyes. "Your right mom, I wasn't thinking, but I love Rigo so much." "I know sweetheart, but you must think of the consequences of your actions. You are so close to the Olympics, do you really want to risk that." The truth was that I didn't. "No mom, I'm not willing to risk that for anything." "Good remember that the next time you and Rigo are out together." "Like that will ever happen, dad has me caged like an animal."

"Payson your dad has his reasons. You yourself admitted that you didn't think about the consequences. One of the things that scares me the most is what would happen if you went through what I had to go through. Between what gymnastics has done to your body, and what happened to me when I was pregnant, you have a very high chance of having a miscarriage. I never want you to go through that!" Truth was I hadn't thought about that either. My mother had now completely broken down, sobbing all over my comforter. I grabbed her in a hug and we both lost it.

What would've happened if I got pregnant. I could barely talk to my parents about sex, what if I had to come home and tell them I was pregnant. I guess I wasn't ready for sex. There was also the fact that my body wasn't ready to carry a baby. With the experience my mother had, there was no question in my mind that I would also miscarry. I definitely wasn't ready for that.

My mind continued to go at 100 miles per hour. Mom and I were holding on to each other like our lives depended upon it. A few hours later my eyes open to the whisper of my mother saying I love you, and then she was gone, and darkness consumed me again.

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AN: Remember that tonight is the finale of Make it or Break it. Please watch it live to get ratings the show needs. That's the only thing that will change the minds of ABCFamily's executives. Also please leave a review of whether or not you want me to continue this story. I'm not sure there is any interest.


	5. Chapter 5

It was early morning when I woke up. I slowly got out of bed, and opened my door. Thankfully the house was quiet. I used the bathroom and washed my face. The eyes that looked back at me in the mirror were that of a scared little girl. I needed to clear my head, and I knew the best way to do that was to go for a run. Granted this was earlier than I usually went for a run and it was still dark out, but I needed to get out of the house. Plus the extra conditioning would do me some good.

The sweat pouring down my back and the wind in my hair felt really good. Phoebe was running with me, and her tail was wagging a mile a minute. There were plenty of days I wished I was my dog. Wake up, eat, sleep, play with a ball, look cute, life would be so much easier. Instead I am worried about what my parents think of me, how stupid I was, and how am I going to make the Olympic team.

I broke then, squatting down on my knees and the tears flowing freely. The pressure of being super was getting to me. All my life I enjoyed doing gymnastics. The freedom of spinning in the air, being able to use my body to the fullest, feeling the power of my muscles whenever I do a power move brought joy to my heart. Slowly that joy was beginning to leave my heart. Each week the competition got harder. Each week Coach Mac would push us to our limits.

The truth was it wasn't the gymnastics competitions that were getting to me. I am this close to getting to the Olympics, to achieving my dream. It wasn't just my dream; it was my entire family's dream. I made my entire family uproot themselves from Minnesota to follow my dream. I made my parents risk my life on experimental surgery to follow my dream. I made them go practically into bankruptcy so I could continue my training. What happened if I failed?

At that thought I really broke down. I could barely breathe. I could barely hear Phoebe whining in the background. I was knocked out of my trance when I felt someone shaking me. I looked up and saw Sasha's worried blue eyes.

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AN: I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while. I just got really busy and wanted to start the Hope story.


	6. Chapter 6

"Payson what happened?" My coach the man who saved my career asked me. I tried to say nothing and that I am fine, but all that ended coming out was more tears. I then started to hyperventilate. Sasha's eyes were bugging out of his head. "Payson calm down" Sasha kept saying over and over again. I continued to hyperventilate, and Sasha started to give me instructions on how to slow down my breathing. Sasha became even more alarmed when I wasn't able to follow his instructions. He grabbed Phoebe's leash and picked me up bridal style.

Sasha ran to The Rock carrying me the whole way. Phoebe brought up the rear, running as fast as her little legs would carry her. I ended up on a mat while Sasha ran to go get something. My vision started to get really blurry, until I felt a piece of plastic over my mouth and air being pushed into my lungs. Sasha had grabbed the CPR kit and had used the airbag to calm my breathing down. When Sasha was convinced my breathing returned to normal, he got out his cellphone. I could make out something along the lines of emergency from the other end of the phone. Sasha responded with "I need an ambulance at the Rocky Mountain…". I immediately starting shaking my head and saying no. Sasha of course didn't pay any attention to my protests.

My mother arrived before the ambulance did. After hanging up with the 911 operator, Sasha immediately dialed my house. I of course was told to stay on the mat, and just focus on breathing. The minute I would start to talk, I got Sasha's command of "Just Breath". My mother gave me the once over, then turned to Sasha and asked "What happened?" I started to answer, but Sasha again cut me off with his breath command. "I don't know Kim, I was out running and found her crying on the trail. When I asked her what was wrong, she started to hyperventilate. She couldn't stop so I carried her here and got the CPR kit. As he finished in came the paramedics, and he repeated the story over again.

The paramedics started to work on me. They took my blood pressure, oxygen level, checked my pupil response, listened to me breath, listened to my heart, and then started to ask me questions. When they were finally done humiliating me they turned to Sasha and told him it was just a panic attack, but I should see my doctor to make sure. Sasha's response did not please me. "Are you sure she doesn't need to go to the hospital?" The paramedic's response was that it really wasn't necessary, but I should still see my doctor as soon as possible, and that I should be kept under close observation. Sasha and my mother both thanked the paramedics and they left the building.

Once the paramedics had left, both Sasha and my mother turned to me. "Can I speak now?" I directed at Sasha, a tone of defiance in my voice. Sasha not used to hearing that tone from me simply nodded. "Why on earth did you call the paramedics, I was fine!" "You were not fine, I had to use the CPR kit to get you to breathe normally! Plus I found you crying on a running trail, and you couldn't even say two words to me! Now please tell me what the hell is going on and why are you here in Boulder and not in Colorado Springs?"

The scared look on Sasha's face was what did me in. There was only one other time I can remember Sasha giving me that look, and that was when I broke my back. "I was out for a run to clear my head. I hadn't seen Phoebe since I left, so I took her with me. As I was running I started to think about all the different pressures in my life. The constant pressure of trying to make the Olympic team. Having to push my body beyond its limits day in and day out. The pressure of having my entire family's dreams wrapped up in mine. What really got me was the pressure of failure, what would happen if I let everyone down. What would happen if I let you down Sasha? What would happen if I let my family down, would we still be able to live? No sponsor wants a failure, and right now a lot of my money is supporting my entire family." My mother looked hurt as I said this, while Sasha just nodded.

"So you ran away from the USATC, came back here to go for a run and cry with your dog?" I completely forgot that Sasha still didn't know why I was in Boulder and not Colorado Springs. "Actually my dad overheard me telling Lauren that I lost my virginity" a hand in my face stopped me. I'm sure my face was bright red, but Sasha's was even more red. He walked away from me for a minute, and I could hear Romanian curse words being muttered. After a few minutes Sasha turned to me. In the lowest voice I have ever heard he said "You will not have sex again until after the Olympics! Do you understand me?" "Yes Sasha" was my immediate reply, almost a reflex response. Sasha seemed to calm down after that. He knew I wouldn't disobey him.

"After overhearing that conversation dad brought me home. My Mom and Dad gave me a lecture, and he's bringing me back to the training center today." For some reason even though it was deeply embarrassing, talking to my coach about all this felt like a huge weight being lifted off my shoulders. "Does coach Mac know where you are?" Crap I completely forgot about that. My mother spoke up for me, telling both of us that she had called Coach Mac telling him there was a family emergency and that I would be back in time for practice later today.

"Here is what we are going to do: I'm going to accompany your father with you back to the training center. When we get there, you are going to have a full physical, including bloodwork just to make sure nothing is wrong with you." I tried to argue this point, but Sasha silenced me with "no buts, you are getting that physical I don't care what you say". "I will tell Coach Mac that you had a panic attack and I just wanted to make sure that was it, besides he called me last night to ask if we could meet." "As long as the doctors say you are ok, you will go back to training and be the Olympic champion I know you can be." "Kim can I have a minute alone with Payson, there is one other thing I need to tell her, and its kind of private." My mother nodded and headed for the car.

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AN: Should I continue this story, or is no one reading this anymore?


	7. Chapter 7

Sasha waited for Kim to leave before turning back to Payson. When he looked into my eyes I can tell he saw the fear in them. I was only afraid of Sasha three times in my life. The first was when I went behind his back to get petitioned onto the national team. The second was when he pushed me away when I kissed him. The third time, was well now. Sasha was aware that I had had sex when I was supposed to be training for the Olympics, and he wanted to talk to me alone.

"Sasha" again a hand went up to stop me. "Payson I'm not here to lecture you about sex, I want to talk to you about your panic attack. I want to talk to you about my panic attack. Right after the Olympic Trials, I was alone packing for my trip to the Olympics. As I was packing I started to think about what I was ahead of me. All the people who worked so hard to get me where I was. What would happen if I let them all down? What would happen if I let my coach down. Nicolai who sacrificed everything for me."

"Back then I didn't have any friends, at least none that I wasn't competing against. Nicolai had done so much for me, I didn't want to burden him with this. So I went to the only other person who loved me unconditionally, my mother's grave. I sat at her grave and just talked it out. I cried, and got the release that I needed. Plus I convinced myself that my mother was wishing me luck when I was there."

"Payson I know that you like to bottle stuff up inside. I need you not to. You are the best gymnast this country has, and your floor is without question the best in the world, but only if you let your emotions flow through you when you perform. Thats when you are most beautiful, and the judges and world will see that. If you need to lean on someone, lean on me. Please Payson use me, I'm your coach and your partner. We'll get through the Olympics together, and then you can write that book and dedicate it to me. Just please lean on me. Besides I want my gold medal back."

"Your visit to your mom's grave, that wasn't in your book." Sasha nodded his head. "You never told anyone about visiting your mother, did you?" Again he nodded his head. "Fine." "You'll lean on me?" "You've helped me through everything else, I trust you Sasha, I trust you with my life." Sasha nodded his head "thank you Payson."

I still will have trouble opening up, but talking to Sasha about my feelings somehow seemed right. He had been through everything with me, and he had already been through the Olympics. There was no one better to guide her through this time. Sure Coach Mac was a good coach, but Sasha was my coach, my partner. Sasha brought me further then I ever knew was possible, and he would do it one more time, at the Olympics.

"You ready to go back home, and then head to the Training Center?" "Yeah I guess it is time to go, after all I need to be back for training." Sasha gave me a quick grin, and then we both headed out to my Mom's car.

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AN: This will probably be the last chapter unless anyone is still reading this. I'm hoping to work on my other Make it or Break it story more, as I find it easier to write. Also I have another idea for a story that I may start soon.


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